Safe to 16: A course to protect children against sexual offenders

Overview

Chapter ~ 2

What to look for

History will judge us by the difference we make in the everyday lives of children

~ Nelson Mandela

13 August 2021

13th August 2021 

Couple jailed for sexual violation against seven victims aged three to 14 years old, from January 2015 to March 2019. The offending occurred around the country.

Ahead of the sentencing, one of the parents read an emotional victim impact statement.

“I feel this massive guilt that I have not been able to protect my child, that is something that will not go away.

Taking your child to a rape examination is an experience I wouldn’t wish on any other parent … seeing your child put through that experience shatters you into a thousand pieces.”

This lesson consists of four modules:

  • Grooming and Sexual Connection with a Child Under 16, are criminal offences.
  • The ‘Two Types’ of child sex offenders.
  • The ‘Five Grooming’ behaviours of sex offenders.
  • How to Become a ‘S.T.A.R’. - the letter ‘T’

What is the law in Aotearoa New Zealand?

A CHILD UNDER 16 CANNOT CONSENT TO A SEXUAL CONNECTION (unless married) S.134 Crimes Amendment Act 2005

ANY FORM OF SEXUAL CONDUCT WITH A CHILD YOUNGER THAN 16 YEARS IS A CRIMINAL OFFENCE. S.131B Crimes Amendment Act

GROOMING A CHILD UNDER 16 IS A CRIMINAL OFFENCE 

Due to the acceleration of online media, in 2005 a criminal offence of ‘meeting a person under 16 following sexual grooming’ was brought into law.

1. If a person has previously met or communicated with a child under 16 years;

2. and either party intend to, or does travel to meet;

3. the person intends to commit an act that would be against the law in New Zealand.

Up until the end of 2019 there have been 612 charges laid and 276 offenders prosecuted in Aotearoa NZ*

On the face of it, this may seem very encouraging. However, according to HelpAuckland.org, for every 100 complaints made to police, only 10 cases will get to court, with only 3 will result in a successful prosecution…..

The reason? Evidence is required in a court that needs to prove the offence ‘beyond reasonable doubt’.

If there is only one complainant, (especially a child) then there is always opportunity to cast doubt over the testimony of the victim.

Our main goal is to provide you with the knowledge, so you NEVER have to go down this dark path.

The two ‘types’ of child sex offenders

Know your adversary and their behaviours

There are typically two types of child sex offender.

One – The ‘SITUATIONAL’ type offender who lives within a family and/or local community. A situational offender can be a parent, grandparent, older sibling, extended whānau, friend, neighbour, etc – in short, anyone in your ‘inner circle’.

According to D2L.org as many as 40% of children are sexually abused by older siblings.

Two – The ‘PREFERENTIAL‘ type offender who works inside an organisation. A ‘preferential offender’ can be a medical professional, clergy, foster parent, teacher, coach, volunteer, etc. These offenders typically are in your ‘outer circle’.

The five ‘grooming’ behaviors of a child sex abuser

  • The offender will TARGET children who may be vulnerable and can be easily accessed
  • The offender will give the child SPECIAL ATTENTION, including gifts and time.
  • The offender will aim to ISOLATE the child to get them alone.
  • The offender will build trust with the child so they can keep ‘SECRETS‘.
  • The offender will DESENSITISE the child about sexual contact, with inappropriate touching, porn videos, dirty jokes etc

I’ve learnt over the years that sexual offenders are very cunning and can seem very authentic. However, understanding their behaviour is your key to keeping your children protected! In the next module we are going to show you a simple method to help you remember these behaviours – and teach your children at the same time,

This is a good time to remind you that a child’s world is completely dependant on adults – even though you might feel like a piece of furniture sometimes…

How to become a S.T.A.R.

We’ve created the word S.T.A.R. to help you remember each of the four tools that will keep your children safe and protected while they’re in your care.

Here’s the second tool.

T = no TOUCHING

An offender’s goal is to have a physical sexual experience with a child.

As you’ve just learnt a key part of grooming involves inappropriate touching.

So what does that look like?

In Chapter 4 we’re going to explain how to have a simple, yet powerful conversation with your children. They’ll understand and will feel comfortable to come and report anything that doesn’t feel ‘right’ to them.

So the second step to become a S.T.A.R. is to have a conversation with your children that there will be NO inappropriate TOUCHING with others.

We’ll show you how to set up the conversation with your children and others  in Chapter 4.

In the meantime remember that;

T = no TOUCHING

Stan Walker (singer/actor) recently disclosed that he was sexually abused by an older sibling as a teenager. 

Human Rights lawyer Sonja Copper says it takes victims of sexual abuse an average of 22 years to come forward.

**** AN IMPORTANT NOTE:****

 You may uncover evidence of current or historical sexual abuse of your children when you have the S.T.A.R. talk. 

Contact safetotalk.nz – they will safely and confidentially navigate you through the process.

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